


D.A.R.E

by Headfulloffantasies



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Cocaine, D.A.R.E. program, Deadpool Thought Boxes, Fluff and Humor, Rated for drug use, spidey's awful spelling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-10 23:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20143660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Headfulloffantasies/pseuds/Headfulloffantasies
Summary: Spidey and Deapool make a bet based on acronyms. That's an awful summary, I'm sorry.





	D.A.R.E

Spidey and Deadpool made a pretty good team. Actually that was a lie. They made a decent team. They made a so-so team. They made a team. They functioned in each other’s presence with surprisingly positive results most of the time. The problem was that when they weren’t fighting someone else they tended to fight each other. Currently they were fighting about the brick of cocaine on Wade’s kitchen counter.  
Wade did what he always did when people started lecturing. He tuned Peter out and tuned the voices in. Lefty was really invested in the redness of Peter’s cheeks. It wanted to know if Peter’s face could match the collar of his suit. Wade tuned back in just in time to hear:  
“You’re old, don't you remember D.A.R.E?”  
“You don’t even know what it stands for,” Wade shot back.  
Spidey fumbled. “Drugs Are Really Evil?”  
Wade cackled.  
“Fine, I don’t know. Give me a sec,” Peter dug into his pocket and yanked out his phone.  
“Oh no, no!” Wade snatched Peter’s phone away. Spidey squawked but Wade held it over his head.   
“You can’t just google your problems away. You have to win this argument with your own brain.”  
“Everybody uses google, Wade.”  
“I’m preparing you for the inevitable EMP that will cripple all of our technology. I’m being a good mentor.”  
“You’re not my mentor.” Peter gave up after one more leap that left his hands full of nothing but air. Lefty whined that Peter’s face was back to normal colour. Then it noticed how sticky uppy Peter’s hair was today and it rumbled in satisfaction. Wade ignored Lefty.  
“I will give you your phone back if you can tell me what D.A.R.E stands for,” Wade offered.  
“And you won’t use the cocaine,” Peter haggled.  
Wade whined. “I worked so hard today, Petey. I deserve the high.”  
“You’re no good to me high.”  
“How do you know, I’ve never worked with you high.”  
Peter cocked his head, squinting. “Really?”  
“I know,” Wade grinned. “I’m this much fun all by myself. Imagine how much more fun I will be after huffing that whole key.”  
“I guess the acronym and you get rid of the drugs,” Peter crossed his arms. “Or else I leave right now.”  
Lefty shrieked at that. It really liked Peter’s spiky hair.  
Wade winced, “Fine.”  
Peter bounced on his heels now that things were back in his court. Wade laid the phone down on the kitchen counter between them. He gestured for Peter to start guessing.  
“Don’t Abuse Recreational ...um.”  
“Yes?”  
“Shut up I’m thinking.” Peter snapped his fingers. “Ecstasy! That’s still a thing right?”  
“I’m not doing ecstasy. I’m doing coke.” Wade argued. Peter growled at him.  
“Death Always Reaps the Entoxicated.”  
“You failed at spelling bee, huh?”  
“Drug Abuse wRecks Enjoyment.”  
Wade tipped his hand back and forth. “That’s a stretch, don’t ya think?”  
Peter volleyed back. “Drugs Are Rotten Entities.”  
“No.”  
“Drugs Ruin Almost Everything.”  
“Well as long as it’s only almost everything,” Wade snickered. Then he stopped. “I think you’ve got your letters mixed up, kiddo.”  
“Hush, I'm having a breakthrough,” Peter snapped. He paced back and forth. Lefty mumbled about angles of hair spikes. Peter suddenly jumped like he’d been shocked.  
“Drugs Absolutely Ruin Everything!” Peter crowed. He hopped up and down in his excitement.  
Wade hummed, “That’s actually better than what I think it actually is.”  
Peter‘s jaw dropped in betrayal. “You don’t know what it means either! I might have been right!”  
“Drug Abuse Resistance Education.” Wade pronounced.  
Peter blinked. “That’s stupid.”  
Wade shrugged. “That’s marketing. They wanted it to sound cool, but it also had to be boring or else adults wouldn’t like it.”  
Peter grumbled. “Capitalism ruins everything .”  
“That’s the spirit!”

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out on Tumblr @headfulloffantasies


End file.
